Tuesday, July 24, 2012

This pair of wings worn and rusted from too many years by my side...they can carry me, swear to be sturdy and strong but see, turning them on still means goodbye...

Hi guys :) I was inspired by this post on one of my new favorite blogs. Bookmark it...you'll need a few hours and some Kleenex once you read through it. But it's good stuff.

So I realized the other day that I hadn't posted here since June 1st. That's a long time, even for me. I've gone back and forth trying to decide what and how much to share with you. Let's start and just see what happens. I'm scared to be transparent, but feel like sharing might help someone else. Off I go.
Four sets of hands and one set of paws moved into this house 7 years ago. Three sets of hands moved out in March. Our first house, the house I built with my best friend. We fought day and night over paint colors and carpet samples. Now it's someone else's home.
 Father's Day came, and I ran across this picture of Josh holding Cole when he was born. It made me remember just how much I miss this man. I tried to fast forward the grieving process. It didn't work.
These guys are growing up too fast. I find strength in their love every day. Inside me is the unrelenting urge to make the most of the years they are here with me.
 I've dealt with clinical depression for over 14 years. It's an opponent I have battled and beaten before. You'd think it would get easier every time. But you'd be wrong.
 I worked out, I sure did. But I've found cleaning and decluttering my apartment much more therapeutic. I've lost count, but I'm sure we are upwards of 10 bags donated and 10 bags trashed by now. And lots more to go.
 I enjoy apartment living. There's always someone around to hang out, chat with at the pool, or watch fireworks with from the balcony. No yard to mow, and no backyard to clean up. It's nice not worrying about fixing the garbage disposal or a drippy faucet.
I've been painting my nails. And painting. And painting. Got a nail stamping kit...combining my love of beauty and crafting. Totally fun.
 And then I painted some more...it makes me feel pretty. Everything's better with bling.
I'm learning to GET OUTSIDE. Soak up the Vitamin D. Reach out to people around me, and ask for help. It is easier to move an object that is already in motion.

I'm still decluttering my life, my relationships, my heart, and my apartment. One bit at a time, and celebrating each victory. I have not crafted in over a month, and I miss it. At this point I have so much STUFF that I'm totally overwhelmed. So I'm paring down in a major way to make room for only the things I LOVE to create with. I'm looking forward to a new, fresh start, and I hope you'll hang around for it. And Lord knows I'm a sucker for a DARE. *wink*

10 comments:

AJ said...

<3

Ashley Nguyen Newell said...

Giant hugs for you friend! I deal with depression too and each new thing that comes up is just that much harder to deal with. Sending lots of love your way!

Chris Scrappin and Stampin in Texas said...

Shannon, This is absolutely beautiful. I have to tell you I went through a loss too, a divorce 12 years ago, and it has been a journey. This past year I too had to give up a home. It has been on the market since April, and no bits. I put a lot of money into new carpet, paint, tile, fence and other home improvements. I am ready to move on. I have one in college and one a senior finishing High School...The years go by fast, treasure those little guys, and I know you will come out on top. You inspire so many of us. Thank you for sharing your story. Christine Gehler Mott-thanks for the facebook share too. We have never met, but love your work and followed all your MFT and other stamping treasures. No matter what you choose to do in this life or Create or a DARE challenge, or life's challenges, you are a strong, intelligent, brave woman and mom!((hugs)) Chris

Lorien Clark said...

(((HUGS)))

Denise ~ Paper Ponderings said...

So glad to see a post from you!

Unknown said...

Shannan,
Although we have never met, I have been following your blog for several years. I have been stamping for about 12 years. I've always enjoyed your inspiring website, your creative, cheerful card designs. Your "catch" phrases that you always have are sometimes quirky, sometimes inspirational, sometime spiritual, but always thought provoking. I also think my friend Tina, at "Imprints" (was my favorite stamp store in Fort Worth before she had to close) said she had met you. I truly admire your strength, courage and determination during time of great loss and trials. You are absolutely amazing!! Just wanted to say you are in my thoughts and prayers. You are obviously a very dedicated parent to your boys and it shows in the twinkle in their eyes.
Hang in there girl you are doing awesome!! You have others in your corner!!
Hope to see your blog again soon when you get your creative streak going again!Just the mention of "purging" your clutter is inspirational!!! I am a fellow clutter collector of all things to do with sewing and stamping! >:0)
Your blog friend,
Diana

Janine said...

You know who you are. Stay strong, be brave, lean on the Everlasting! With lots of love...

Maureen said...

Hi Shannon! Your post reminded me a little of what I was going through after a break up (just a short dating relatioshiip, but it stll sucked). I remember reading this quote in the Oprah magazine and then I met my future husband...

This being human is a guest house.  Every morning a new arrival.  A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.  Welcome and entertain them all!  Even if they're a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweet your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honourably.  He may be clearing you out for some new delight. ~ Rumi as printed in Oprah's magazine, April 2005 (just after I met my dh!)

Mary-Anne V said...

Thinking of you as you continue to move forward with your life and be the great mom to your two boys.

Claire Brennan said...

BIG, big hugs Shannan.

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